Is it possible to maintain balance?

As soon as one thing in your life levels out, something goes off balance…not the end of the world, but all I want now is steadiness. 

I’m not a church goer, nor am I Christmas crazed, but I like the idea of advent - peace, love, joy and hope.

Make peace with people in your life.  Do your best to be tolerant, successful, and generous.

Love yourself.  Love your family.  Love your friends.  If you have that certain someone, love them a little extra this time of year.  Make sure you know that you appreciate them.  No matter if you’ve known them 20 minutes, or 20 years, show love.

Be joyful for what you have.  Do what you can to bring joy to others.  Smile everyday.

Hope for the future and strive to succeed.  Be grateful for what you have presently.

ALSO HOW CUTE ARE DUCKLINGS?

so cute.

too busy to blog?  lol

i love university.

In elementary school, we always had to do those KWL things - Know, Want to Know, and Learned.  They seemed so silly to me at the time; if I learned it, and I remembered it, why am I rewriting it?  Maybe I need to have a KWL for my life.

Here’s this summer’s L:

- Keep things in perspective.  I complain too much, and don’t appreciate enough.  Everyday at work, I see one of the bravest women I know.  She is a resident of the long term care facility I work at.  She has multiple sclerosis, and as such, is left severely physically handicapped and legally blind.  Although she cannot stand, walk, or live independently, if you ask her how she’s doing, the answer is always “great.”  She has few visitors, can only be out of her bed 3 hours a day, and has been subject to personal trauma greater than most people can think of. 

- Love more.

- Avoid actions and words that you will reflect on and not be proud of.

- The most organic and honest conversation I had this summer happened with a total stranger.

Here’s what I know:

- Not a whole lot, but I think Winston Churchill said it best: “You will amke all kinds of mistakes, but as long as you are genereous and true and also fierce you cannot hurt the world or even seriously distress her.”

What do I want to learn for the upcoming year?

- School stuff, of course.

- Does it pay to put faith in people, or do old habits die hard?

I’ve never been camping, and I don’t know much about the wilderness, but I do know you’re never supposed to drink standing water.  It’s stagnant and harbours bacteria.

My life seems like standing water right now.  Not in the respect that it’s infested with potentially harmful bacteria, it’s just at a standstill.  I work at a real job, drive my car there, pay bills and manage money.  I suppose if I want I could just stay like this.  Leave school, marry a country boy, and make a life right here, just like everyone has in my family for the past 154 years.

I’m craving more.  I’m craving change, challenge, and adventure.  I need the hustle and bustle of school life back, because I’ve been left far too alone with a few thoughts this summer, and that’s scary.  My puddle’s been fine for a few months, but I’m ready for some rapids.

Deja vu always happens when I’m driving.  Today deja vu was high school.  High school Kait driving to high school boyfriend’s house.  When I thought I had it all worked out: grades, family, job, car, boyfriend, prom dress(es…lets be realistic), college plans. 

Driving there was funny.  So much has changed, yet so much stayed the same.  New hair colour, new car, new experiences, but the same old me?  Not really.  I’m the same.  What I value hasn’t changed vastly, it’s just been fine tuned, some expectations have been deemed unrealistic, while others shine on and have been refined. 

Life lesson 345: Going backwards doesn’t keep you safe, it just makes you dizzy.

Patience is a virtue I possess until I hit a wall.  You know the wall.  You’ve been doing such a good job of waiting, quietly and calmly when BAM, you strike this metaphorical brick wall.  Patience keeps going and you’re left impatient and pissed that you hit a wall. 

Well, I waited…not always patiently, but I waited, and I believe good things have come. 

I’ll take my good things with a grain of salt.  Or as my wise housemate suggested, with an entire salt mine.

Saint Augustine said that patience is the companion of wisdom.  If I’ve been patient does that make me wise? 

I am an incredibly fortunate individual, to have a loving family, 2 wonderful houses to live in, good health, pets, a Queen’s education, a vehicle, a good paying summer job, and amazing friends.

I work hard at school to get decent marks, and I work hard in the summer to be able to finance some of my own life.  My job is a challenge every day and I accept it as gracefully as possible, striving to make someone smile everyday. 

At work, I watch people lose their sanity, sometimes suffer, and eventually die.  This sounds morbid, but it’s mostly peaceful.  This, I can handle.

What I can’t handle is overprivileged white kids bitching about everything.  (I KNOW I’M DOING IT RIGHT NOW LOLZ).  Seriously?  Everyone has bad days and is entitled to the odd fit of nerves/angst/rage/sadness.  Everyone’s gone through something hard. 

Stop sitting around and complaining about your life.  FIX IT.

UPDATE

I kicked off my blog this summer with a to-do list…here’s an update.

1. Survive summer with Kim

*all limbs intact, several minor battles

2. Get a job that is does not involve the care of geriatric loonybirds.

*I got a job that does not involve the care of the aforementioned loonybirds.  Then I quit.  Them’s some lucrative loonybirds.

3. Finish this book…yeah, the one I put an excerpt out of last summer.  I contacted a publisher, and said it would be finished in 3 months.

*HAHAHAHAHA not gonna happen.

4. Figure out my summer courses, oh yeah, and what I want to do with the rest of my life?

*Don’t take summer courses.  No one’s that motivated in the summer.  Rest of my life: get some kick ass marks in third and fourth year, apply to MBA programs, I’m thinking Ryerson or Cape Breton.  Ryerson’s got the downtown Toronto, commerce/finance appeal, but Cape Breton has East coast allure, and an MBA program with a focus on community development…go figure, my favorite geo classes have been about regional development.

5. Pass this sillybitch cell biology course and sociology.\

*15 more days of soc.

6. Get my tattoo.

*Not happening til September.

7. Get back in shape.

*Slowly but surely.  Phone calls during yoga = not so namaste.

8. Finish the John Jakes series.

*Come talk to me after soc is done.

9. Give back to my community.

*Soccer coaching ftw.

10. Get a sick tan

I could really use, to lose my Catholic conscience
Cuz I’m getting sick of feeling guilty all the time
I won’t abuse it, Yeah I’ve got the best intentions
For a little bit of anarchy but not the hurting kind

I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter…

I’m not Catholic, and I don’t want to sound apathetic, but sometimes, I just want to not be accountable for anything or anyone.  I don’t want to think about work, rent, degrees, MBAs, GMATs (really any senseless acronym), relationships, or politics…I just want to be.

I want to read a novel, for the sake of enjoying a story, sit in the sun to feel its warmth, walk to go somewhere, but nowhere in particular.